Thread:Wikiwalker11291/@comment-6697950-20180717201646

I've just finished reviewing Mizue's article and I figured I'd send you a more detailed commentary on your edit personally due to the limited nature of edit comments.


 * 1) Don't force add template-related categories. Categories like "Citations needed" or "Candidates for Revision" are automatically added to the page when the respective template is used and automatically removed when the respective template is removed. If you force the categories (i.e., manually add them to the page), other editors might miss this and not remove the categories even when the page has been improved/corrected/reviewed.
 * 2) Please add basic template parameters even if you won't be filling them yourself. If the parameters will have to be filled in by someone in the near future, it's best to leave some empty parameters on the page, since Source mode doesn't really show the parameters otherwise, which means that I had to go to the template page just to check how the parameters have to be named to add something that you surely should have known I would add. Basically, copy the whole infobox unto the page and only remove the parameters that you don't foresee to ever be used (e.g. game parameters on a non-player page)
 * 3) Your introduction for the page is kinda lacking. It should have some basic plot details to make it clear who the character is (and how she is relevant to the story). Of course, it shouldn't be a wall of text (unless the character is major and has a lot of general info that needs to be covered), but it should still give more than just the name and familial relationships. One extra sentence or so to make it clear that she's the girl whose mother Shino saved would be nice.
 * 4) Don't use -ing verbs where they're not appropriate. They imply that the action is ongoing, so when you use them to form complex sentences, you imply that one actions is happening at the same time as another. Thus, "Waiting in a private room at the back of the cafe, Mizue and Sachie entered the main room" doesn't really sound logical, since they can't both be waiting in the other room and entering the main room at the same time.
 * 5) Avoid overfocusing on other characters. They should only be mentioned as much as needed to understand what's going on and for transition. If half or more of the sentence focuses on other characters (especially if other characters are doing far more than the character the article is meant for)... it really feels off topic. Try to keep the focus on the character in question. That also goes for clause order.

I guess that's about it for now. Hope you find this useful. 