Thread:Ephraimyeo/@comment-6697950-20150619205635

I've recently reviewed your new page and noticed some things that could be improved. Since this isn't the first page you made, I figured I'd point out the things that could be improved in case you want to make another page. Whether you read this whole thing or not is your choice, but the more pointers you follow, the easier my job of reviewing edits would be.


 * Please remember to use infoboxes where needed.
 * Please remember to use appropriate categories for new pages.
 * If you are not making a unique page, look at the source code on the already existing pages of the kind you are making to see if there's any special formatting used. For example, the Japanese text at the beginning of any article is usually a part of a Nihongo template. You should copy the code rather than just the output it gives.
 * Abbreviations can only be used if there is already a full instance with the abbreviation in brackets. E.g. If you want to use GGO on an article, the first instance of it must be "Gun Gale Online (GGO)". Any following instance may use the abbreviated form.
 * Please note that the main tense for any summary on this wiki is the past tense. You should not use present unless the situation requires it.
 * Some of your sentences lacked logical transition. Why say that someone logged in, then jump to talking about male-female ratios, then jump back again and say that it was rare for a girl to log in?
 * Please avoid contractions. Articles require a formal writing style.
 * Quotes should be avoided, since you're not actually quoting the characters, but a translation that might have errors. And, aside from specific cases, quotes usually sound informal and should be paraphrased into reported speech for better style.
 * Informal expressions should be avoided when a more formal one exists. This especially applies to phrasal verbs.
 * You overuse "and", "said" and "told". You shouldn't connect three independant and not overly related sentences with just "and". It makes the sentence too long and awkward. "Said" and "told" should be replaced with more appropriate words where possible. It's better for style and leads to less repetitiveness.
 * Redirects are preferred over links with captions. Instead of Spiegel, just use Spiegel . It's shorter and won't lead to problems if a page is renamed.
 * You should avoid directly using the script for the summary. It sounds like reading the dialogue rather than a summary. And some instances were really awkward because of the mix of dialogue and reported speech. 