Board Thread:Editing Discussions/@comment-27496644-20171216224951/@comment-6697950-20171217140604

Recipe for a good summary:
 * 1) Experience.
 * 2) Learning from mistakes.
 * 3) Being concise, or as informative as needed in as few words as possible. That means that your summary should focus on the key points of the story that are necessary, but include enough context to understand how one key point leads to another and what's going on in general.
 * 4) When a character is first introduced in the story, they should also be properly introduced in the summary so that the reader would understand who they are. The introduction doesn't need to be complicated - just a couple of words could be enough (e.g., instead of "Lipia Zankale", use "a dark knight named Lipia Zankale" for the first mention of the character).
 * 5) It should be clear what point each of your sentences serve. E.g., "Critter also added that the JSDF had not acted yet." - sounds like just an offhand remark with no real relevance to the rest of the paragraph. If something can be removed with no impact to the big picture or the rest of the paragraph, it's probably irrelevant (or phrased in a way that makes it sound irrelevant)
 * 6) Each sentence should have enough context for any reader to understand what's going on, even if they haven't read the original text. E.g., "he was greeted by the Assembly of Ten Lords, whom all gave control of their forces and power to Miller" - lacks an explanation on why people would just give him all their stuff; also, the phrasing implies that "he" and "Miller" are different people.
 * 7) Appropriate style/register.
 * 8) Colloquial expressions like "flush out" should be avoided at all costs.
 * 9) Contractions (e.g., don't, won't, couldn't, wouldn't, they're, they've etc.) must be avoided.
 * 10) More formal grammatical constructions are always preferred to casual constructions.
 * 11) General (and overly simplistic) words like "say", "tell", "see" etc. should be changed to more specific words like "inform", "notice", "witness".
 * 12) Variety in sentence structure is preferred. That also applies to word usage - using the same word/name only a couple of words apart is bad for style (e.g., "[...] for the first time ever as he attacked Miller. Miller, who was [...]").

The best way to improve would be to discuss your edits sentence by sentence in a chat, as I can't give detailed explanations on articles themselves. If you'd like to do so, I recommend joining us on Discord. However, I will be unavailable till Friday due to having an exam on that day (it requires a lot of studying, so it's taking up most of my time at the moment). Though, there are other editors on the chat who might also be able to offer some help.