Thread:WordSniper/@comment-6697950-20150801074925

I've reviewed your latest edits on the Death Gun article. Although it's nice that you've decided to help add content to the wiki, I've noticed that there were quite a few fact errors in your additions. Since I haven't seen the anime making these errors, I'm assuming that you were just misguided or something. Either way, I've corrected these errors, but I'll point them out here for you since it seems that you misunderstood some of the things about the Death Gun plot.


 * Kanamoto Atsushi, or Johhny Black, only became part of the plot later on. Initially, it only involved the Shinkawa brothers, but when they decided to make their killing in the BoB tournament, they needed an extra hand and so Shouichi invited his old partner. Until the tournament, the Shinkawa brothers had been acting alone.
 * Actually, Kyouji was the one who operated Sterben before the Bullet of Bullets, not Shouichi. Shouichi was the one who carried out the murders in real life for the first two targets. But, since one of the targets in the Bullet of Bullets was Sinon, Kyouji insisted on acting in the real world on that occasion (due to a case of "I won't let anyone else touch Asada-san"). That's also one of the reasons that Atsushi was invited, seeing as Kyouji didn't have a license to drive a motorcycle and thus couldn't travel between all the targets fast enough.
 * The whole plot wasn't directly inspired by SAO or Laughing Coffin. The brothers just came up with it spontaneously due to various circumstances (mainly, Kyouji feeling deceived by XeXeeD and Shouichi having found a way to acquire personal information from players, including XeXeeD by then). The only ties with Laughing Coffin that this whole plot has is that Shouichi and Kanamoto were members of Laughing Coffin, so they had no restraints on killing people, while Kyouji admired his brother for his murders in-game.
 * This Week's Winners is actually an interview segment that invites top players from various VR games. It's not a gaming conference.

And I think that's pretty much it for the errors you've made. I see that you've marked that you want to work on the "plot" section (I changed the name of the section to abide by our standard format for such a section), so I haven't touched it yet. Seeing as I haven't added anything about the specific murders, that section might still be of use, but you might want to move the second paragraph under "plan" to it as you work on it, since it would make more sense chronologically. And I wouldn't advise writing it like some news report. It would be less confusing to just continue from the end of the first paragraph of the "plan" section. 